I swear to God
I will not leave this time
without opening up and letting down;
pouring out all that would
choke the life from my body
and the joy from my tears;

I am not afraid that I might die
but that I might hold too tight to
my fears while the past and future
confuse my tongue and steal my words.

You will not own my story nor shape for me a square little box
with pin prick holes and vents on the sides.
Glory is never neat and seldom
without fire and smoke. I will hold still long enough to carve out a tablet
of granite that might present for you a picture of an image in grays and hushed tones
that someone will someday say is me.

I swear to God my intention is nothing short of everlasting genius. August 18, 2009 I write these truths freely believing wholeheartedly that no I shall not allow this dream go unrealized.
Should I forget this oath for lack of commitment my time will surely be done.

The Me Suit 2

So long to the me
I wore,
living in the shadow
of another self;
comfortable in my discomfort.

We struggle to be rid of one another.

The superficial self,
grown from the wants and wishes of others,
the clingy infant of me
peeks around the corner of change
and quickly retreats to the me I wear.

The me suit no longer fits; the collar chafes
and the waist is too tight to breathe.

Every time I pull off
the jacket
the air is too cool
so I pull on my famiiar sweater
and each time another step toward me.

Me Suit

Still the voices of fear and doubt.

While my courage simmers
and I try on a
new suit
of

me.

Don't lie to me

When my eyes
see things and you
only deny

Hope turns truth
to mist;
leaving me
to silently cry
meritless
tears
growing more insecure
everyday

Image of all my dreams

Adoption will not define me,
though it has confined me
in a prison of fear.

The lie died seventeen
years ago and I am
renewed.

Walking in the new light
of choices made by others,
my hands become useful
that I might mold
a piece of clay in the
image of all my
dreams.

Keep Moving...

Keep moving toward
responsible responses
away from reckless reactions

While I know who I am
I must work to be him

Keep moving toward
self-realization in real time
everyday

While my eyes do see


I ask


what does my heart say?





While I walk this way


to the end of my lies


I ask


What does my heart say?





While I breathe this hazy dust


and drink lustily of the tepid collective


koolaid of a billion dollar


illusion


I ask


What does my heart say?





My heart says


liars, pimps and


child welfare groupies


leaves me cold and stuck


not giving a fuck.





Yet I have learned


not to yield to what I feel


when neutral silence


is safer then violence.

Along the way I stop

to pray and all my illnesses

fall away.

While my eyes do see

I shall not know

all I can do is hope.